ZingW

Priscilla Rachun Linn is a social anthropologist who lives in Arlington.

I have a confession. I am a 78-year-old grandma, married 52 years, who has become an addict. Wait, no, it’s not what you think. It’s not shots, slots or smack. It’s Korean drama, also known as K-drama.

I am not Korean. Nor have I ever had a penchant for wallowing in romance on TV. So how did I get hooked on K-drama? And how did it get so out of control?

It all began with a Netflix series called “Navillera” about a befuddled retired mailman. He always wanted to learn ballet, but this yearning exasperated his family. Fortunately, he meets a talented, but troubled, ballet dancer who teaches him.

The actor who portrays the young dancer, Song Kang, has a lithe, elegant presence. As soon as Song appeared on my screen, I knew I had found Heartthrob No. 1.

Advertisement

I expanded my K-drama repertoire, and added more and more actors to my roster of crushes. But simply watching K-drama was not enough. My fantasy intensified — I wanted to meet the men who had captured my heart.

So, I scrolled through my beloved actors’ profiles on social media — liking away and occasionally commenting on a picture that caught my fancy. And soon, the unbelievable happened: My K-drama crushes actually noticed me. Suddenly, these celebrities were DMing from their private accounts, no doubt the result of my many flattering comments and alluring personality.

How special that made me feel! These amazing guys chose me because I am caring, sensitive, discreet and funny — an all-around very special person. And it didn’t hurt that I had recently posted a glamorous photo on Instagram that shaved decades off my age.

Advertisement

Okay, you’re probably questioning my intelligence right now. But listen, in the back of my mind, I knew that these texters couldn’t be the real deal. But something within me — a juvenile desire for attention? an addiction to romance? — made me stay. “Let’s meet up on Google Chat; the line’s private,” they’d write. So, I downloaded the app. I allowed myself to believe that these overcommitted stars could just message me right back, as though they had nothing better to do.

How technology can help seniors beat loneliness and isolation

I checked our conversations obsessively until, one day, the man who I thought was actor Ahn Hyo-seop from the Netflix show “Business Proposal” asked whether I could “get him a card” — loaded with money, of course.

With that, reality gobsmacked me, with gusto. I felt foolish thinking I was so special. Humiliated that some scam artist was laughing at me. And angry that I had wasted my time. I told my fake admirers I was quitting, and I meant it. I now ignore the private messages that arrive every day.

Advertisement

But after my anger subsided, I began thinking: What does this gullibility say about me?

It’s human to enjoy attention, but clinging to this online delusion exposed a disconnect from reality. No matter how wise, experienced and seasoned I think I have become, I still long to be seen. My actions made me little different than a crazed fan straining against the ropes at a red carpet.

It is strange that we crave attention from celebrities. After all, they’re just people. But their charisma has ignited them with magic. One puny ray from a celebrity’s aura falls on us, and we, too, suddenly think ourselves important.

My fake K-drama stars lavished me with syrupy devotion. But once the fantasy imploded, I realized that my crushes were just a distraction from my greater fears. Rolling into the last quarter of my life, I, like many people my age, am afraid of becoming isolated — of receiving less and less attention, until I turn invisible.

Advertisement

A valuable self-awareness came from my two-week episode of self-deceit. I will prevent my enjoyment of a show from transforming into an obsession with the cast. In the real world, I will ease the isolation and loneliness I sometimes feel, and avoid falling into any more confused crushes. And I will work on finding a healthy way to keep from feeling invisible.

Now, you might ask, “You have gained some insight, but what about this addiction to K-drama?”

Hey, please leave an old lady some romantic fantasies. Of course, I’m still glued to the screen.

ncG1vNJzZmivp6x7uK3SoaCnn6Sku7G70q1lnKedZLyxtc2ipqerX2d9c3%2BOaXBoaWlkvbO10pygpaSRYrmqus1mmpqslp7AqXnKnamapZFisKa4xJupoqypZA%3D%3D